So I've decided...

Yes. I've decided that Maddox is allowed to grow up: He can make friends, experience life, travel far and wide, expand his mind and his interests, and do everything his heart desires.

He just can never leave. I've decided it's not allowed.

Because I wouln't get "mommy time," Maddox hugs and kisses, or goodnight 'I love you's.' And those are my favorite parts of the day.

A home for Grace

We are a foster family again.

Despite weekend travels, pregnancy, a toddler who leaves me completely exhausted by days end, and the death of my father-in-law, we took on a temporary house guest. And her name is Grace.

We've fostered on and off in the past and because of my rescue connections found out that a transport is scheduled for this Friday. Tennessee is notorious for euthanizing pets, but it's only because there are so many homeless animals. And so few are spayed or neutered.

Around the same time as I learned this piece of information, I was browsing http://www.petharbor.com/ and noticed a high kill shelter in our area was getting ready for the week's list of unadopted pets. My eyes locked on a photo of an older yellow dog that was quietly laying with his nose between her paws in a metal kennel. At six years old, I knew she wouldn't make it out. Not even small dogs, purebreds, or puppies made it out safely very often.

I shot an email to my rescue coordinator and within days was driving home with a very happy Grace riding in the back of our SUV. And as luck would have it, she adored children.

In the beginning Grace basically ignored me but would strain to be near my son. She wouldn't overwhealm him, just be within his reach and watching over him. The sweet natured lab mix was housebroken and happy to do whatever we asked of her.

She may not be the youngest, but she has been one of the best foster dogs we've had. There are many benefits to age, including a level head and knowing when to run and play and when to take a nap.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion and exhaustion but Grace has enriched our lives. This Friday she will leave on the transport to NY state and hopefully find a new family quickly.

She certainly deserves it.

The sudden goodbye

I haven't been blogging this past week as an event in our lives took the family on an unexpected turn and trip out of town.

Last Monday, we got the call that my father-in-law passed away suddenly. He was found in bed, having passed in his sleep from a heart attack.

We later learned he had also suffered from emphysema, gall stones, and a prior major heart attack that may have gone undetected. No wonder the duplex was scattered in pain medication.

It's difficult to know what to say.

We actually didn't see Ron very often. His business running a pilot car fleet kept him on the road and he wasn't very comfortable in family situations. In the last four years, we saw him three times and I remember very well the last visit he made. I knew we wouldn't see him again for a long time and tried to make the most out of the visit, talking more than we had before. Maddox was also old enough to climb into his lap, which startled him a bit, and began chattering away.

We walked into the house one day after he died. Everything was just as he'd left it and one could visualize him walking around, sitting just so at the computer, and leaning back on the sofa watching a stack of movies while snacking on fiber bars in a glass bowl. It was eerie to be trespassing this way.

The spirit of the man still lingered. Especially in the bedroom you could feel his presence, but also in the kitchen. It was difficult to begin, so I began by taking out the trash. We slowly began opening drawers and looking under the bed for any hint of land information, business documents, account numbers, and possibly a Will. I started making a pile of what we needed to take home on the bed.

It was odd, unnatural to be sorting through someone's private things-- even after death. It was even stranger to be throwing many of those things away or sending them off to the Salvation Army. I just had to keep reminding myself that it was "just things." The man and the belongings were not one. His presence slowly faded as the house began being emptied.

Just a few hours after arriving at the house, we had to pick out the suit he would be buried in. And plan the details of the funeral.

My father-in-law had many accomplishments in his life and in the end, held onto many secrets. We discovered more about him through the experience of cleaning out his house and making funeral arrangements than we ever knew before, but we never did find where he stashed his Will and important documents. He never trusted banks so we were and still are in a bit of a scavenger hunt.

There is never a perfect time to suddenly pass on, but I do wish Ron had a chance to grow closer to his son. There is so much they could have said....

But may you rest in peace. The long journey is finally finished.

It's a fast-paced life... when you're 2

Have I mentioned that this boy has no less than four cell phones? A future business man, no doubt.